Rapuh

Allah mengurniakan air mata sebagai simbol kekuatan kepada manusia agar dia dapat kembali mengumpul kekuatan apabila jatuh tersungkur.
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Apabila hati ini mengeluh;
"Ya Allah aku penat."
Lalu Dia menjawab;
"Tidak aku turunkan ujian kepada hambaku melainkan dia mampu menghadapinya."
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Apabila hati ini terdetik;
"Ya Allah,ujian apakah ini?"
Lalu dia membisik;
"Bagaimanakah mereka mengaku bahawa mereka dalam kalangan orang orang yang beriman sedangkan mereka tidak pernah diuji?"
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Manusia itu lemah.Apatah lagi seperti kata kata Kekasih bahawa iman kita hanyalah senipis kulit bawang.
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Ada masanya hati berbolak balik inginkan jalan pulang.
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Ada kalanya hati berenang renang inginkan bebas dari cengkaman persoalan.
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Ada ketikanya hati lantang persoalkan takdir yang membuatkan aku tersungkur di landasan kebenaran.
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Ketika itulah kekuatan Iman teruji lemas di padang pasir putus asa dan bisikan ghaib.
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Saat itulah hati ini akan teringatkan kekasih yang berlari lari mencari umatnya walaupun ketika itu iman hanyalah sebesar biji sawi.
Kekasih yang seumur hidupnya tidak pernah mempersoalkan takdir yang tertulis walau diuji ancaman nyawa dan kehilangan yang tercinta.
Kekasih yang sepatunya dipenuhi air merah untuk aku bernafas dalam keagunngan Islam sehingga ke hari ini.
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اَللّهمَّ إِلَيْكَ أَشْكُوْ ضُعْفَ قُوَّتِيْ ، وَقِلَّةَ حِيْلَتِيْ ،

وَهَوَانِيْ عَلَى النَّاسِ ، يَا أَرْحَمَ الرَّاحِمِيْنَ ، أَنْتَ

رَبُّ الْمُسْتَضْعَفِيْنَ ، وَأَنْتَ رَبِّي
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Allahuma inni ashku ilayka du'fa quwati wa qilata heelati wa hawaani ala annaas. yaa arham araahimin, anta rab almustadafeena wa anta rabi
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"Oh, Allah, I appeal to you for the weakness in my strength, and my limited power, and the treatment of contempt and humiliation from people. To you, the most Merciful of all the Merciful ones, you are the Lord of the oppressed, and you are my Lord."

"Ya Allah,Aku pohon kepadamu kekuatan dalam kelemahanku,dalam kekuasaanku dan dalam menghadapi ujian Mu.KepadaMu,yang Maha Pemurah Lagi Maha Penyanyang,kaulah Tuhanku maka tidak akan aku berpaling daripadamu."
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Diam.Hati rasa lapang.
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080517/1906

About crush

We call them crush.
Because they gonna hurt you. They gonna destroy you.

They gonna hurt your feeling. They gonna crush your heart. They gonna destroy every single hope that you keep for them beneath your unspoken words.

For loving them in the dark. For following their shadow and watch them dance under the light. Dance with someone that you couldn't beat with everything you got.

You can love them.
But you can't have them.

You call them crush because they were meant to hurt you. As if they don't, you would call them sweetheart.

Via Luqman San

Lost

"You always made my day!"She said while giggling."I wonder why did you always so cheerful everyday?Did you ever take things seriously?"

"Well,sometimes.But mostly I'm not.I have this bad habit laughing so hard in serious time.Anytime.Anywhere.Like why so serious,bruh?You gotta chill your ass off."

"Oh my god!How can you?"She burst into laugh again."Well,maybe that's why I love you."She said with a sweet smile.He glance at her with the corner of his eyes.

'I love you too.You said you love me because I always made your day happy.I want to tell you everything.I want to tell you that your smile could brighten my day and made the storms washed away.I also want to scream at world how your eyes like a pool of molten chocolate that I want to dive into,that you're the reason that I'm the happiest man alive and every time I think of 

you make me want to smile.'
"What?"She blushed when he locked his eyes too long in hers.

"Nothing.Just thinking what a beautiful best friends that I have."he said while laughing.

"You always said things like that."She gave him a smile while walked away hands in hands with the love of her life.He smile while on the inside he feel like he may broke a piece of his own heart.

And I am sitting here beside their table listening to everything.I caught a shadow of her eyes glancing at him sipping his coffee before she walked away.I'll always thought how many of you have met your most important things but have lost it.Not because of your ego.But because you always make jokes on the things that you're afraid to take anything seriously.

Because,when you take things seriously,they matter.And if they matter,you want it to last.But,nothing last.Everything is temporary.

Maybe one day

One day we'll meet again,
Even when we going along our way without saying goodbye or promises,
One we'll meet again,
Maybe when I was strolling around the mall,
Or our movies seat are just beside each other,
Or you're just a next line of me while buying parking tickets,
Or we met at the same book club on a sunny Sunday afternoon.
And maybe we'll smile at each other.
Maybe we'll be going to the nearest coffee shop.
Sipping a cup of cappuccino acting like two old friends.
And the coffee will be the best coffee in my life.
Even I don't like coffee that much.
Maybe we'll just exchange each other's number.
And catch up later.
Because we are too busy with our life.
Maybe I'll come to your place,
Or met at a restaurant for dinner or lunch or breakfast.
Maybe that one day will come.
Maybe I felt this emptiness in heart,
Because there's still a dim glow of hope,
Hidden between ocean of secrets.
"Maybe one day"
I whispered to myself
Maybe one day if this 7 years hasn't been too long.
-maybe one day-
12/14/16  1347

Gambling

My old post when I'm changing my major from Stpm to Diploma on my very first day of exam semester 1.Still loved it until now 😄😄

life is a gamble.you take a chance and let your heart go like a dice.you will never know the result untill the end.change your life today.Don't gamble on the future.Act now,without delay.and one more thing,never give up.Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it.Time will pass anyway.Never give up on what you really want to do.People might think you're crazy.Just stop worrying about what you have to loose and start focusing on what you have to gain.Don't be afraid.When life gives you something that makes you feel afraid,that's when life gives you a chance to be brave.

Ps:
For those who think i'm crazy,i though you knew.
Xoxoxo mieyzah_mazlan

18/11/15
12:08 am

The demon

A friend ask me to describe what's depression feels like.How did you you know it started.

No my dear.You don't even know since when or how.You're just in the middle of it before you couldn't care.It's like you're under a spell.Which is you can't even break free.

When you're with your friends,you're not sad.You can smile.You can laugh.But sometimes you just wanted to run in to the bathroom.Just to cry.

Depression not making you sad.It making you swallowed yourself.It making you feel weak,so small so fragile.So untamed until you feel scared of yourself.And some night,you just forgot how to feel.

It's when you're holding a knife to cook,it whispered to you to cut deeper.Deeper and deeper.So deep until you reach the bottom.You'll feel the pain.You're feeling hurt.Also satisfied.Like you're cutting the demon inside yours.Telling them to go away from you.
Even down inside you know that they always win.

Depression is also a struggle honey.
It's between what you know,what you feel and what the demon had been told you.They told you you're not worth the flowers of friendship your friends give it to you.They told you your brothers just don't care.Your sisters hate you.Your mom will never accept you when she know the truth.Your dad will never believe in you.
On the other side,you know the people that you love will always be by your side.You felt their love and care melting like a pool of lava inside your heart.
But,just like before,the demons always win.

Depression also not about how it's hurts.Not really about how you stay wide awake at 3 a.m.Wondering where did you do so wrong.Over thinking is your new partner at that time.It's when you're enjoying your times with your best friends at the bowling alley.But feeling want to scream on the top of your lungs.

Depression is not always the line of bottled pills.That you swallowed at 12.30 p.m during lunch.Trying not to puke you breakfast out.It can be the most popular girl sitting with their bleachers.Starving herself just to fit in the puzzle.Also it's not always the boy who's wearing long sleeves shirt.It may be the boy who's playing the football outside.Wishing to dump the demon just like the ball he kick every games.

Actually,depress people they don't want your attention.They just need society to understand.More to their loved one to be there for them.Not to heal them.But to always held their hands.While they mend themselves.

Sometimes,maybe we're feeling annoyed or angry or hurt when we saw them hurting themselves.

Like who did that to you?Who f***ed you so bad until you forgot how to think.You forgot to feel.Until the numbness swallowed your whole body.Why didn't you told others?

But baby just like I told you.You're just in the middle before you even know when and how it started.

I don't need you

I don't need you. In the depths of sadness and despair, where were you? You weren't there. I don't need you. In the pit of depression where everything seems wrong and falling apart, where were you? You weren't there. I don't need you. For all the times I called you to save me from the days I feel all alone and lonely, where were you? You weren't there. I don't need you. Moments that I needed your company and your loving hands to warm the coldness that's filling up the spaces of my heart, where were you? You weren't there. I don't need you. For all the times I shined the brightest and I wanted you to witness it, where were you? You weren't there. I don't need you. Times when doubts and fears conquered my mind, all I wanted was the truth but where were you?

But when you needed time, I set aside and drop all the things I should do to see you.
But when you feel like nobody's there for you. I was there.
But when you needed attention, I was always available. One dumb text away no matter what time of the day, you were my priority.
And when you needed love, I poured my heart out and showed you the soul like no one else had. It was pure, it was only for you, it was my downfall but it made you happy for awhile. I didn't mind.

I still love you but where were you?
I don't need you. I just don't feel the need to be your number two.
I don't need you.

Words by: Regine Deroca

Missing you

I can"t remember the last time I caught a cold because I rarely sick.The last time was Period pain that was last year which i had to come back early from school.

Last night,I was sleeping because my body didn't felt good after my groceries trip to Giant.
After eating dinner,I took a shower and went to sleep early.Around 9.30 p.m I guess.That's when my roomate came home.
She gone to do laundry.
When she's back,I already had my blanket all over me because it was so cold and I can't barely to switch off the lamp.

She took her hand and put it on my forehead to feel if I have a cold or not.
She gave me some panadol and cough syrup and ask me to sleep.

When she's cleaning her cloth,I cried in the blanket.
Because at that time I miss my mom so much.Even though I can't remember the last time I sick,but I still remember the warmth of my mom's hand and tge love she gave.

Oh,how I miss my mom so much because she always do exactly my housemate do to me when I was sick.

Ok,let's stop here.
I felt like crying  .