The demon

A friend ask me to describe what's depression feels like.How did you you know it started.

No my dear.You don't even know since when or how.You're just in the middle of it before you couldn't care.It's like you're under a spell.Which is you can't even break free.

When you're with your friends,you're not sad.You can smile.You can laugh.But sometimes you just wanted to run in to the bathroom.Just to cry.

Depression not making you sad.It making you swallowed yourself.It making you feel weak,so small so fragile.So untamed until you feel scared of yourself.And some night,you just forgot how to feel.

It's when you're holding a knife to cook,it whispered to you to cut deeper.Deeper and deeper.So deep until you reach the bottom.You'll feel the pain.You're feeling hurt.Also satisfied.Like you're cutting the demon inside yours.Telling them to go away from you.
Even down inside you know that they always win.

Depression is also a struggle honey.
It's between what you know,what you feel and what the demon had been told you.They told you you're not worth the flowers of friendship your friends give it to you.They told you your brothers just don't care.Your sisters hate you.Your mom will never accept you when she know the truth.Your dad will never believe in you.
On the other side,you know the people that you love will always be by your side.You felt their love and care melting like a pool of lava inside your heart.
But,just like before,the demons always win.

Depression also not about how it's hurts.Not really about how you stay wide awake at 3 a.m.Wondering where did you do so wrong.Over thinking is your new partner at that time.It's when you're enjoying your times with your best friends at the bowling alley.But feeling want to scream on the top of your lungs.

Depression is not always the line of bottled pills.That you swallowed at 12.30 p.m during lunch.Trying not to puke you breakfast out.It can be the most popular girl sitting with their bleachers.Starving herself just to fit in the puzzle.Also it's not always the boy who's wearing long sleeves shirt.It may be the boy who's playing the football outside.Wishing to dump the demon just like the ball he kick every games.

Actually,depress people they don't want your attention.They just need society to understand.More to their loved one to be there for them.Not to heal them.But to always held their hands.While they mend themselves.

Sometimes,maybe we're feeling annoyed or angry or hurt when we saw them hurting themselves.

Like who did that to you?Who f***ed you so bad until you forgot how to think.You forgot to feel.Until the numbness swallowed your whole body.Why didn't you told others?

But baby just like I told you.You're just in the middle before you even know when and how it started.